独立記念日に思う

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７月４日はアメリカの独立記念日です．

研究者のキャリアパスには「独立して自分の研究室を持つ」というのがあって，それは自分の目指 すところでもあります．一方で，独立と言っても大学や研究所に所属することが多く，経済的には国や所属機関に直接的にも間接的にも縛られること，資金提供者のニーズを満たすために研究内容が決まることを考えると，完全な意味での独立とは何だろうか，という疑問が湧きます．やるかやらないか，というレベルでの独立を達成した後にも，「自分がやりたい」と思い込んでいることが，実は外的な要因で決まっている，ということはあり得ます．（少しずれますが，研究者などは若くして自分の裁量が多くなる方で，世の中の多くの仕事では，裁量が大きくなるのはキャリアの後半になってからでしょうか．）

もしかしたら，完全な意味での独立は，哲学的にとか概念的にのみ存在しうるもので，複数の主体が相互依存する中では，およそ達成できるものではないのかもしれません．そうならば「独立」というのもおよそ程度問題でしかないのでしょう．自国が他国の植民地状態にあるとか，生きるための根本的な権利が満たされないとか，そういうレベルでの不運な制限のない日本に生まれたら，生まれながらにある程度の「独立」は授与される場合が多いかもしれません．その場合，自分は生きる上で，どれだけのさらなる独立を求めると良いのでしょうか．

自分は，そしておそらく世の中の多くの人も，何らかの形で外的に自己が規定されたり，自分にラベルが貼られることに心地よさを感じるきらいがあるのではないでしょうか．外的なものに自分の価値観を決めてもらうことは，究極的には複雑な思考から逃げられる意味で楽なものですし，責任の所在を自分に置く必要がないことは，これもまた楽なことです．なので，独立し過ぎるのもしんどいものです．

しかし，あまり根拠もないのですが，この独立のレベルがあまりにも低いと（そしてそう気付いていないと），生きづらくなったり，小賢い連中に搾取されやすくなる気がします．何歳までにどんな経験を積んでい ないといけないとか，よく売れているこれは良いものに違いないとか，外的な判断に任せて自分を窮屈にするのは顕著な例でしょうし，自分の持った内的な自意識が自分の可能性を狭めていることもあるでしょう．世の中は自分を縛るものだらけです．

せっかくの独立記念日なので，自分がどれだけ独立できているのかと（そして自分が縛られているものは何かと），花火でも見ながらぼんやり考えたいと思います．ちなみに，屁理屈を言えば，独立記念日だから花火を見なくては，と思ってしまうならば，それは何らかの意味で独立していないことになるのでしょう． 笑

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